I Hate that I fall in Love with you ....girl....

Ok ,
No More Dream and no More Hope.
What i Wish is a bit hard to achieve ,
that was i think from the beginning .
I had nothing ,

Form 3 ,
i just a little boy,
a ugly and not a smart boy .
I ,
have 1st time with computer,
then Friendster ,
Then MSN ,
then ,
HER .


I saw her in Friendster ,
it's jz some normal pretty girl ,
and i know people always said,
pretty girl in who in web are hardly to be friend.
But , me and her .
Our bond start that day,
the day i added her to be my friend.


I ,
jz take her as normal friend.
But after time pass,
i a bit too ... over to her ...
coz ,
she is the 1st girl who really care for me ...
so , i jz ... abit ...like her ..
JUST A BIT ...



Then someday,
i was having conversation with her ,
and my sister ,
little sister say who is this pretty girl ,
i said , jz a fren .
Then dont know why ,
i argue wif sister ( ply joke kind of argue )
then my sis say i no dare to ask for her hp number ...
dont know why ,
i ASK ,
AND SHE GAVE .
WoW ~~
my 1st time to ask ,
and 1st time to have .


i Was so excited tat day ,
too happy for a week ,
Bit crazy for a month ~
and then ...
then...
then....
then now ..
i fall in love for 3+ years ...


Reason ?
if i say no reason ?
i felt i suck if i say tat kind of bullshit reason ~
no one fall in love for no reason ~
Mine ...
is because ,
she is the one ,
who really care for me ...
when i was nothing .
when i felt i am nothing ...

thats why ~~


For another case ~
u might think why im not chasing her ~
1st,
she got bf ~
2nd ,
when i felt im nothing , do you think i will chase girl?
i edi say im ugly ~
so , im lack of confidence ~
but now..
still cant,,,
she had her happy life wif her bf ...



i still rmb 1 day ,
someday in July 2008 ~
she find me chat ~
and we have great conversation ~
and i know her 1st secret ~
i Was so happy she share her thing ,,....
her sweetness...
her painess...
her sadness...
i ....
happy when she happy .
i cry when she having problem ...
but i ...
cant do anything ...
I'm ...
a loser...




2nd time i was so happy ,
is i done my 1st assignment,
i accept all the tension and challenge in UTAR ,
she come out ,
find me,
and she ask a very good question ,
"" do i stand a lot of place in your heart "" ( im so sorry i wrote in her,,but other is secret so i would't wrote her ... this is something i like ppl to tell me ..to help me..)
and i said ...
"" yes , you do stand lots of place in my heart ""
she kind of not believe...nvm ...
but tat day,
i confirm my believe ,
my value ,
my feeling .....
I fall in love with you , Girl
And ,
I love you , Girl




After someday ...
something i cant tell ....
some event i cant stand ..
something i saw ,
i read ,
and then i cry ,,,
i sad. ..
and i ...
felt im nearing to something ..
and 2day ,,..
the something i nearing ..
is people so call
" FAILURE "


Failure i face was not i cant chase her ,
failure is why i choose come to UTAR .
Facing many problem her ,
And Failure why i want to follow her ..
she is the 1 who say wan to come UTAR ,
but after that ..
she was not here ..
left me ...
an idiot standing on the spot..




After these 3 years..
i found out ...
Im ,
still standing on the same spot ..
after 3 years..
im still in the same spot ..
ntg improve ..
ntg to gv her ..
ntg at all ..
im ntg at all...



in Dec ,
I sudden want to know ..
i ask her ..
hardly to see her on9..many girl like to appear off9 d..swt ..
so..
i ask the same question ,
i ask do u rmb the question ask me ..
she said yes .
and i ask do u rmb the asnwer i gave ?
she say yes..

then i ask .
"" Do Andrew stand alot of place in your heart ? """
she said .
""does this important ??""
i said ,
""if is not important for u , nvm . But is so important for me ...""
then she said ,
" if wan to say , 50% "


ok ,.
i analysis the answer ,
i think ,
think ...
and still think,....
and i think i got the chance..
i went happy again..
excited again ,
and happy again ...
and i puts lots of lots of lots of hopes..
desires..
Dream...



now,
Dream Woke ,
Desires lost ,
Hopes gone ..
ntg left again ..
time back again..
back to the time i have ntg at all...




but still now...
i dont know why ,
what come to my mind ,
and i saw something ,
read something,
i cry ...
because the something ,
is something about her and her bf .


I cry ,
coz the bf wasnt me ,
I sad ,
coz i did't able to do anything ,
I jelous ,
coz I'm in love with her .
I ....
Insane ...


I don't know what to do ,
Now ...
I don't know what I did ,
Pass ...
I don't know how to do ,
Future ...
I ..
just can cry ..
just can sad ..
and I will think deeply after 2moro ...